This morning as I lay blissfully asleep, my alarm called me to rise. I tapped it off, remembering thankfully that I had set a second alarm as well. Nevertheless, I turned that one off as well and unintentionally fell back to dreamland, wherein I actually arose and completed the satisfying workout I had planned for the early hour.
Does it still count if you dream your workout in vivid detail? I was so proud of myself for having resisted the urge to return to bed and having instead forged a mighty return to my routine after a week of failed attempts when I was jolted awake to sounds of my children arguing: “Get out, stupid!” and the answering wail, “Stop!”
Somehow, I think it should still count. Exercise of desire. Or something like that.
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Someday it will be easier, and I will do it better…
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The end of one of my last pregnancies was horrendous. I was completely covered by a rare, pregnancy-related outbreak I un-affectionately term, “the hellfire rash”. It took nearly a month after birth to fade and, needless to say, I do not recall many cozy and loving “motherly” moments from that period. (You know, the kind where you’re snuggling blissfully with your babies, relishing their every question and laughing every time you’re bumped, pinched…they happen, sometimes? Right?)
Anyways, I was determined to do something fun with my little ones. So I packed up all their swim paraphernalia, extra clothes, snacks, and all the newborn baby supplies I certainly needed with me (after which, I remembered why these outings are exhausting: it’s all the time you spending packing and unpacking!). Then I herded everyone off to the nearby splash pad and proclaimed jubilantly, “Go have fun!” I had planned this perfectly: they could run off energy, Mama could sit with the baby admiring her chubby little toddlers rejoicing in the summer sunshine, and everyone would recall how fun and loving Mama was.
Aforementioned toddlers stared at the water droplets shooting up to the sky for about a minute before both declared, “I’m not going in.” Having spent the last ten minutes unpacking the stroller under the scorching sun, I felt the remnants of my rash start to swell and burn. The baby woke up and began crying for milk.
Did no one remember that this was one of their favorite places ever?
No one?
Right – baby’s still crying, toddlers are whining about being bored, skin is itching – it’s definitely time to retreat home.
I’ll laugh about this someday.
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It is so tempting to spend today’s precious moments waiting, instead of living.
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You know, maybe I don’t laugh – but I do smile!
It is so tempting to spend today’s precious moments waiting, instead of living. Waiting for a better mood, waiting for the mornings when we won’t awake so exhausted, waiting for this stage of life to pass, waiting for it to get just a little easier…Give us another year, and we’ll be so much more productive! Just wait until the troublesome teething babies are school-age! Hold on – that job promotion is coming!
Honestly, sometimes the little details are so discouraging, how can we not just stare ahead down the tunnel towards the light at the end?
Well, would we do that if we knew that gleam was just a mirage?
There may be easier days ahead or, at least, the struggles will be different in nature. But our vocation is always asking us to stretch and surrender and surely, focusing on our failures – which are usually so trivial if we just step back to take notice! – is going to hold us back from moving ahead and blind us from seeing the heaven’s rays seeping through the edges of the day. Whatever has happened thus far today, joy can still be found sprinkled through the remaining hours. Sometimes in the form of literal sprinkles. On a cupcake. From my favorite bakery….sometimes in the giggles of hyper children, the words of a treasured psalm, or the comforting affirmation of a spouse or comrade. Let’s get over ourselves so we don’t lose out on more!
You know what light sprinkled down to me in the shower this morning after my virtual work-out? (And it did literally sprinkle down too…through the skylight…) Today, I will offer up something. No, not chocolate or wine…those might come in handy later…Today, I am going to sacrifice waiting. Waiting without purpose. This is the month of November, and we remember all those souls waiting to enter paradise. Waiting with purpose, as they’re purified by the fire of our Father’s love. Maybe my fight to resist drifting in a mindset of resentment over my current trials – big or little – can be the same efforts that bring another soul through that waiting room into the cascade of heaven’s glory.
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Enter into the joy of this moment.
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Some waiting does have a purpose. I’m going to save the waiting for that time, so that I can enter into the joy of this moment and win heaven for someone.
Now that is a really good (and true!) rationalization that missing my exercise might actually work out for the best…
