Expecting at Advent

This last week, we celebrated Thanksgiving. I was considering writing a post on various ways to integrate gratitude within yearly traditions or the daily lives of our children when my husband urged me to write an honest-to-God blog post. I protested this contradicted my introverted nature; we quieter folk like to mull our ideas over and present them poetically to our friends. But then I decided to take up the challenge. Going to share some real thoughts and complaints here. Consider yourself forewarned. Get ready. Here, she blows!

First off, one of my children asked me a couple weeks ago how big our little baby-on-the-way was. I complied with his eagerness and headed to Google, which then directed me to The Bump. As I scrolled down to the pictures at the bottom, and the announcement of what piece of fruit matched week 15, I couldn’t help read the site’s description of how I was doing:

• you’re likely feeling high energy again and increased libido!
• you’re probably feeling great! esp. if you’re staying physically active & eating nutritiously 
• you might be showing, probably have a little bump if it’s not your first – definitely showing if it’s twins   
• though you’re bursting with energy, don’t overdo it

Huh, I thought. Maybe I’m not actually pregnant…I don’t think I have anything in common with this mom…it seems more likely I’m birthing an alien.

LOL – Below is MY version. SPOILER alert. I have done this several times before and if the preceding description perfectly matches your version of pregnancy at this stage, please blissfully skip to the bottom of the post.

My pregnancy guide for all you repeat – mamas declares that if you are expecting at 15 weeks, quite possibly you…

• can’t remember what libido means, but think it probably involves torture   
• may be despairing that you will ever climb out of this hole of exhaustion    
• are barely eating, food mostly tastes awful, and you’re likely forcing down carbs because you’re too nauseous and in pain to eat much else              
• can maybe stand for 5 min before sitting down/ only form of exercise is walking to the bathroom because you have to     
• people are beginning to ask you when the baby is due b/c they think you’re in the last few weeks     
• though you have no energy, you remember to elevate your legs as you lie down to avoid life-threatening blood clots and maintain hope that your legs won’t look like 3D geographic/physical maps forever     
• still wonder if there is a baby or if you’re just dying from a rare illness that causes you to rapidly age…like a Star Trek thing you’ve caught…

There you go. Some REAL thoughts. The irony of the reality does make me laugh though. Besides there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and even if eyesight gets dimmer with age, I’ll get there eventually. 🙂

Plus, lest I seem hypocritical, I do remember that one of my last posts concerned practicing joyous expectation. So I assure you, though we are being very real here, we are also seeking after joy. Hence, as we enter Advent and hear whispers of a call to quiet reflection, I have these three important take-aways from my Thanksgiving week.

1. Gratitude for Discussions with No Filter

I don’t mean absolutely no filter should exist. I imagine at baptism this mesh-shield of virtue is wrapped around our souls. We can choose to discard it, but can’t dispute that we feel the crud and dust coating our souls in the aftermath. Hence, the desire for virtue should always precede our thoughts and words. We want to make certain our conversations are accompanied with prudence and charity. But there’s such a relief when we can otherwise share our thoughts, feelings, frustrations, inspirations, and quirky ideas openly without having to walk with caution tape.

To open completely to another is the beginning of true communion and companionship.

I feel so blessed to have enjoyed such conversations with my husband last week. We haven’t always shared such good communication, but it is so worth fighting for. If you don’t have this relationship with your spouse, work towards it. Pursue a close friendship with a family member or friend. The gift of a “no-filter” communion with another person is one I pray each of us can experience this season.

2. Freedom Comes with an Honest Perspective

As my husband and I walked towards a restaurant last week, I was forced to remind him that my pregnant waddle is equivalent to a baby’s steps. Not his fault for overlooking this – I’ve spent much of the last autumn barely moving from the house or my bed. Additionally, my progress was hampered by my attempt at a graceful appearance through the adoption of some pretty heels. Still, the end result left me feeling quite discriminated against by the “Walk Sign” as I attempted to cross the busy Pacific Highway in our beach town under an insanely short time limit.

But, honesty can free us from grumpiness if taken with a dose of humor. Again, to clarify – brutal, hurtful honesty is not what I’m advocating here. (Remember the ever-present virtue filter; keep it in place!) Yet, sometimes we place completely irrational expectations on ourselves or our close friends and families by our clinginess to some idealized image.

Building up a false screening for the world just blinds us and frustrates whenever reality tears it open.

So, as I awkwardly attempted to swing my baby steps with my husband’s smooth gait, I simply admitted, “Look, honey. I’m just a walrus. Think of me as a walrus. You know, those big floppy monstrous things that don’t walk but can only flop around in some poor imitation of walking? For the next few months, I’m just a walrus.” My husband is a gracious man – he would NEVER use such a term to describe me. (At least aloud, right?) But we both cracked up laughing, and I felt so much more dignified swinging my waddling black pumps along the fashionable street. Forget those young Barbie things in their tube dresses – I was the loveliest, most graceful female walrus out there.

This Advent, pull the blinders off.

Laugh at your limitations and the inconsistencies of the world.

Admit them. Then, work to improve your flaws or to grace the fallen, crazy world with a smile. Glaze your day with grace rather than the fragile, greasy film of your romanticized or depressed imaginings. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

3. Trust in the Holy Spirit’s Mix

I often joke that I have a whole list of questions to ask God following my personal judgment. Granted, I know He is all brilliance. In light of this, I just don’t understand why flaws exist in some of the world’s engineering blueprints. I know, it’s probably inconsistencies due to human weakness and sin but still…don’t you sometimes wonder about certain things? Anyways, I’m hoping the gift of understanding doesn’t hit us all at once when we encounter the Beatific Vision because, well, where would the fun be in that? We have the faculty of reason after all. What I crave is a good long, sit-down with the Father to hash out these points of confusion, the serious ones and the slightly silly ones.

I imagine us sitting at some heavenly bar and, naturally, the Holy Spirit is going to be the celestial bartender because with His inside knowledge and ability to read people, I know He will make me the perfect, customized cocktail which I will just adore. A smooth blend of subtle sweetness and just the right touch of bitterness…

…an image which reminds me, I should trust whatever He offers me on this side as well.

Have a blessed Advent.